What if it wasn't Stan's Fault?
by Luiz4200
Summary: AU - It's not Stan's fault that Ford couldn't get into West Coast Tech.
1. Blown Fuse

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls or any character from the franchise.**

 **What if it wasn't Stan's Fault?**

 **Chapter 1: Blown Fuse**

A dejected Stanford Filbrick Pines returned home. "Hey, what's the word, Sixer?" (1) Stanford's twin brother Stanley asked. The look on Ford's face made Stan wonder if he shouldn't have asked that question.

"I failed, Stan!" Ford sadly answered while crying. "My perpetual-motion machine didn't work!"

"How come?" Stan asked in genuine confusion. "It was working yesterday, wasn't it?"

"A fuse must have blown or something." (2) Ford explained. "Of all the times it could have happened… They said I wasn't West Coast Tech material."

"But you can fix the perpetual-thingy machine." Stan hopefully suggested. "Can't you, Sixer?"

"What's the point, Stan?" Ford desperately asked. "No West Coast Tech representative will ever give me another chance."

"Forget about that fancy place, Fordsy." Stan advised his brother. "You're enough of a nerd to get in any other college. Not that you really need it."

"What do you mean by that?" Now Ford was the confused one.

"We can go treasure hunting and then you use your share to make an improved version of your machine and show it to the world." Stan suggested.

"Are you kidding me?" Ford asked in exasperation. "That idea is nothing but a childhood fantasy! We have no clue to where to find a treasure and the Stan-O-War isn't even close to being ready for this."

"Yes, it is and I'm showing you." Stan defiantly replied and then went to the beach with Ford so they could see their boat. There, Ford nonchalantly pointed at a hole. "Nothing a few bits of tape can't help, Sixer." Stan then noticed his brother glaring at him. "Fine, make it a lot of tape."

"Face it, knucklehead. Even if the boat wasn't damaged and we found some treasure, the boat wouldn't be able to withstand the treasure's weight." Ford told Stan. "I'm going to whatever college accepts me and, if I ever become a millionaire, I'll be able to buy a better boat so we can bring back whatever treasures we find, assuming we find some." Ford declared.

"Whatever." Stan reluctantly accepted Ford's point. "I'll try to find another way to become a millionaire myself." He then noticed Ford giving a skeptical look. "I mean it, Sixer. The ocean isn't the only place to find treasures."

Having nothing else to say, the Stans went back home. The next morning, Ford was filling an application form to enroll at Backupsmore University when his mother interrupted him. "Stanford, where's my free spirit?" She asked out of worry. "I'm about to make lunch."

"Oh, he's out there trying to find a treasure." Ford dismissively answered.

"I thought your ship wasn't ready." Ma Pines commented.

"Stanley merely bought a metal detector and went to the beach to see what he can find there, Mother." Ford explained. "What a waste of money."

"At least he's wasting his own allowance money." Filbrick Pines bluntly commented. "If the knucklehead expects to live in this household after becoming an adult, he'd better earn his keep. I can always use some help at the pawn shop."

Stan happily entered their apartment. "I found it!"

"A treasure?" His brother and his parents asked with tones of surprise.

"No!" Stan answered. "My true calling! I'm becoming a salesman!"

Ford was the first to recover from the surprise. "Stanley, I have nothing against people having a set goal for their lives but, where did you get the idea of becoming a salesman?"

"I was at the beach looking for a treasure but business was slow going. It turns out gold seems to be some sort of rare metal. (3) I was growing tired when I spotted this billboard." Stan explained. "It impressed me with the traveling salesman lifestyle and the idea of becoming my own boss."

Upon hearing this, Filbrick was so angry at his youngest son (4) he quickly grabbed him. "You stupid knucklehead! Don't you realize that whoever posted that billboard is just tricking people into buying their products in bulk so it'll be their problem to convince potential buyers into purchasing them for final consumption? You'd have to be a real talented salesman to be able to resell enough of the items to make a profit."

"I know, Dad." Stan reassured his Dad. "That's why I'm starting my own business instead of buying products from those billboard people."

"Your own business?" Ma Pines asked, being the only one to already have faith on her 'free spirit'.

"Yeah, Ma." Stan answered. "Stanco Enterprises. I'll make home products and become a millionaire faster than one can say 'hot Belgian waffles'!"

"Knucklehead, there are two problems with your idea." Filbrick bluntly stated. "One, you don't have the money to start any sort of business; Two, you cannot make a good product to sell. I can get away with a "no refunds" policy since I don't make the stuff I sell but the customers aren't so forgiving with product makers. You sell them stuff you make with the same results you got from that stupid boat of yours and they'll likely chase you out of New Jersey. Not that I'd mind leaving but it hurts to be expelled."

"One, I can apply for a Government grant." Stan replied. "Two, I can get a nerd to invent something for me in exchange for a share of whatever people pay for the invention. Are you interested, Sixer?"

"Oh no, Stanley." Filbrick sternly replied. "I won't let you lie and cheat right on your brother's coattails anymore. Stanford is going to college to earn a degree that'll make him a millionaire and allow us to leave this dump."

"He just has to invent something people would buy and then show me how to make more of those, Dad." Stan explained. "I'll handle the rest. What do you say, Sixer?"

"Don't listen to him, Stanford!" Filbrick commanded. "Whatever you can invent you can pitch to some already established company that'll pay well instead of a knucklehead who doesn't know what he's doing."

"I want to hear from Sixer." Stanley firmly replied.

"Stanley, right now I don't have any inventions to pitch but we can discuss this subject later if I ever invent something I think people would buy." Ford diplomatically replied.

"Fine, I'll see what I can make on my own before starting my company." Stan said. "Until then, I'll get into that traveling salesman thing to get sales experience and money to make a good product."

"That's the spirit, Stanley!" His mother exclaimed in approval.

"After you fail, you can always work for me or follow the Principal's advice about working at the taffy shop." Filbrick bluntly added. "Those barnacles won't scrap off themselves."

"Don't you mean _if_ our free spirit fails, Filbrick?" Ma Pines asked her husband.

"Face it." Filbrick told his wife. "Stan is too stupid to pull this off. If he wants to try this, he must buy things using his own money."

"Oh, yeah?" Stan defiantly asked. "I'll show you and that arrogant Principal who's the stupid one here. What do you say, Sixer?"

"Stanley, if you really want to run a business, you should go to college first." Ford suggested.

"Ha." Filbrick scoffed. "Your mother and I barely saved enough money to send you to Backupsmore in case you don't get a scholarship to a better place and you expect us to waste the rest on the knucklehead? He'd not even have a chance to finish High School without you to cheat off."

"Nevermind, Dad." Stan reassured him. "College might be useful for nerds like Fordsy but not for me. Hmmm, perhaps I'll read a book or two on business."

"Why not?" Filbrick asked. "Your company probably won't grow bigger than my pawn shop and I never went to college either."

With that topic settled, the male Pineses decided to wait while Ma Pines made lunch.

 **End chapter.**

 **Iljeal hgx cpsj rcjwpmpr betg zsnp, Gpns qgr'u ms ea xoul b sined ng ffncir wcul ip'zh oj vsropr betg Fix Usnfjs.**

 **20-8-5 20-9-20-12-5 9-19 20-8-5 11-5-25.**

 **(1) Question taken from "A Tale of Two Stans"**

 **(2) Another line from "A Tale of Two Stans"**

 **(3) Adapted from another line from "A Tale of Two Stans". Let's face it: It has so many references to that episode I should stop adding these notes.**

 **(4) I'm one of those fans who believe the Stans' brother Shermie to be older than them and the father of that baby seen in the flashback from when Filbrick kicked Stan out of their home.**


	2. Fiddleford

**Chapter 2: Fiddleford**

Stanford Pines not only graduated High School but also became valedictorian. To his parents' surprise, his twin brother Stanley also graduated. The Principal made an announcement. "Please pay attention to this year's valedictorian and probable future millionaire Stanford Filbrick Pines."

"Thank you, Principal." Ford replied and then addressed the audience. "Fellow students, I hope that, in spite of not going to West Coast Tech, I still can make my dreams come true and show the value of being a good student."

"Neeeeeeeerd!" Crampelter interrupted the speech.

"Shut up, Crampelter." Stan defended his brother and raised his fist.

"Will you both please behave like the adults you both legally are?" The Principal asked in exasperation. "I don't want to expel students from this ceremony. Especially a future millionaire's brother."

"Principal, I'll have you know I'm a future millionaire myself." Stan proudly declared and practically everyone laughed at him.

"I don't blame them for laughing, Pines." The Principal told Stan. "Your accomplishments as a door-to-door salesman might be making you turn out better than I expected but it'll never make you rich."

"We'll see about that." Stan grumbled and Ford resumed his speech. After the ceremony, the Stans and their parents went back home, where Filbrick gave Stanford a calculator. "You'll need it to count your future millions and do some nerd things that'll make you earn them, son."

"Thank you, father." Ford said.

"What about me, Dad?" Stan asked in protest. "I've also graduated."

"And that's why your father had to eat his hat." Ma Pines replied.

"Hahahahahahahahahahaha!" Stan laughed at his mother's comment. "You're joking, aren't you?"

"Shut up and take the gift your mother gave you, knucklehead!" Filbrick angrily ordered. "She said it's something that'll be useful in your adult life."

"Deck of cards! Deck of cards! Deck of cards!" Stan chanted while crossing his fingers as a good luck gesture. Ma Pines then gave him a package that was too big to be a deck of cards. Still hoping it's something he'll like, he unwrapped the package and was dismayed. "A book?"

"We all agreed it'd help you with your career choice, Stanley." Ma Pines said.

"Considering you want to become rich by being a businessman, this book does seem to be a good idea, Stanley." Ford commented.

"Whatever, poindexter." Stan sadly replied and all of them went to sleep.

 **Time skip.**

Stanford Pines was ready to start his first day at Backupsmore University. "Thank you for the ride, Stanley."

"Don't mention it, Sixer." Stan casually replied. "Just show those West Coast Tech idiots they made a big mistake by rejecting you."

"This isn't about rubbing our achievements in the faces of those who underestimate us, Stanley." Ford argued. "It's about changing the world for the better."

"If you think so then I assume you'll rebuild that perpetual-thingy machine." Stan commented. "I can totally picture a power plant using several of those to generate electricity."

"Actually, Stanley, I was thinking of making a huge machine." Ford explained.

"No, Sixer!" Stan exclaimed. "It's better my way so the damage caused by eventual blown fuses will be smaller."

"I'll make note of that, Stanley." Ford replied upon seeing Stan's point.

"The talk is good but my wares won't sell themselves." Stan said, no longer wanting to keep the talk during such a crucial moment. "Good luck and goodbye."

"Goodbye, Stanley." Ford replied and entered the campus. Upon receiving a set of keys to his room, he was informed that his roommate was also studying to become a scientist. Ford actually felt relief from this. Aside from his twin brother, nobody among his peers wanted to be his friend and a future fellow scientist was, or so Ford expected, more likely to want to befriend him than people studying for non-scientific careers.

"What'cha doin' in my room, stranger?" Ford heard somebody ask once he opened his room door.

"I'm a freshman student, my name is Stanford Filbrick Pines, and this room is also mine as of now." Ford explained. "You must be my roommate and fellow future scientist."

"You betcha." Ford's roommate happily replied and then offered his hand for a handshake. "The name is Fiddleford Hadron McGucket but you may call me Fiddleford. Nice to meet you, by the way."

"Nice to meet you too, Fiddleford, and you may call me Stanford or Ford." Ford said.

Fiddleford was a little confused about 'Stan' not being an option but decided not to pursue this since he still barely knew Ford. "Well, Stanford, I'm not using the shorter version for obvious reasons." He said and then pointed at the room's bed bunk. "If you don't mind, I'd rather keep using the lower bed so, feel free to take the upper one."

"Okay, Fiddleford." Ford replied and then started placing personal objects at his table.

"Twins?" Fiddleford asked in surprise upon seeing a photograph of the Stans and their parents.

"Yes." Ford answered. "The one without glasses and extra fingers is Stanley."

"Oh, so you really have extra fingers!" Fiddleford exclaimed. "I thought I was seeing things."

"Nope." Ford replied while fearing Fiddleford would no longer want to be his friend. "I'm a polydactyl."

"Is that how folks with out-of-average number of fingers are called, Stanford?" Fiddleford asked out of curiosity.

"Only these of us with above average number, Fiddleford." Ford explained. "The opposite case is known as oligodactyly and the names are also used in toe number cases."

"Is your brother also attending Backupsmore, Stanford?" Fiddleford asked.

"No." Ford answered. "Stanley made a different career choice."

"Is he attending a better University?" Fiddleford hopefully asked.

"Actually, he became a door-to-door salesman." Ford explained. He didn't feel it right to use the term 'traveling salesman' in spite of Stan's talk of 'expanding his territory' to Pennsylvania. Wanting to distract Fiddleford from the subject, Ford pointed at a screen at his roommate's table. "What's that?"

"Oh, that's a project I'm working in." Fiddleford answered. "A personal computer."

Ford was completely surprised by Fiddleford's answer. "A personal computer?"

"Yes, Stanford!" Fiddleford happily replied. "Can you imagine? A computer in every home. All the possibilities. Everyone who'd love to have a computer but doesn't have the space."

"Honestly, I don't think anyone other than banks, laboratories and the government would be interested and even then, how much memory can such a small computer contain?" Ford asked. He saw no future on the idea of home computers but he realized that finding a way to make computers need less space for memory banks was impressive either way.

"Stanford, you're underestimating people's desires for new technologies." Fiddleford argued. "As for the memory space issue, I'll gladly show you."

As the months passed, Ford Pines easily adjusted to his college life. As an avid reader and a devoted student, he was starting to hope he'd graduate earlier. He didn't have many, if any; friends other than Fiddleford but it didn't bother him. His life fell into a secure routine until Fiddleford interrupted it with a strange question. "Stanford, have you ever appeared on any TV ads?"

"No." Ford answered while wondering about Fiddleford's reason to ask the question.

"Then it's Stanley announcing the Sham Total." Fiddleford commented.

"The WHAT?" Stanford asked in shock.

"It some sort of paper towel used to wipe stains or so your brother announces them as." Fiddleford explained.

"That stupid brother of mine." Ford furiously commented.

"What's wrong, Stanford?" Fiddleford asked in confusion. "Aren't you glad yer brother managed to set himself a business?"

"I can't help but worry about where he got the startup money and how he was able to make those towels of his." Ford explained. "Stanley isn't particularly intelligent."

"Stanford, this isn't a nice thing to say about yer brother." Fiddleford admonished his friend.

"Stanley was barely able to graduate High School, Fiddleford." Ford explained. "It was mostly my fault for allowing him to cheat off my tests."

"Nice sham, Pines." A random student interrupted the conversation by playfully teasing Ford.

"No comments." Ford replied with boredom.

"Stanford, why didn't you tell her it was yer twin on the ad?" Fiddleford asked.

"I don't owe this kind of satisfaction to anybody other than friends and figures of authority, Fiddleford." Ford replied. "Now, if you excuse me, I have a brother to call."

Later, at Pines Pawns, Filbrick Pines answered the phone. "Pines Pawns. Filbrick Pines speaking."

"Father, may I talk to Stanley?" Ford asked.

"The knucklehead doesn't live here anymore, remember?" Filbrick asked. "He must be at his so-called 'corporate headquarters' by now." He explained while adding air quotes at 'corporate headquarters' to show how he felt about Stan's dreams.

"Do you have his business number, Father?" Ford asked and he later called Stan.

"Stanco Enterprises. Stan Pines speaking." Stan answered Ford's call.

"Stanley!" Ford demanded. "What's the meaning of this Stanco Enterprises?"

"Oh, you've already seen my ads?" Stan happily asked. "What did you think?"

"I haven't but some other students have, Stanley." Ford answered in mild exasperation. "Total Sham, really?"

"What did they think?" Stan excitedly asked. "Are they buying?"

"One of them thinks it's me doing the ads." Ford explained. "I don't want to be blamed when your products fail."

"No worries, Ford." Stan reassured his brother. "I've done the unbelievable to ensure the quality of my products. I willingly went to a library and read books. People there initially thought I was you, Sixer."

"Either way, Stanley, what's next?" Ford asked. "A vacuum cleaner that really sucks?"

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Stan laughed at the idea. "Ford, with that sense of humor, you could easily join Stanco's creative department. Assuming, of course, that I'll make a creative department for Stanco. But don't worry about me using your idea, Sixer. One thing I've learned as a traveling salesman is that those cleaners are hard to sell. Now, about people mistaking me for you, don't worry, I can help you with that."

"Stanley, don't do anything stupid." Ford desperately asked. "I'd tell more but classes are about to start now. Bye."

"Bye, Sixer." Stan replied and the phone call ended.

After those classes ended, Ford returned to his bedroom to resume his studying. "I don't get it, Stanford." Fiddleford commented. "Backupsmore is hardly a first option. How can someone who likes studying as much as you do not get accepted anywhere else?"

"Well, for the last science fair I entered, I invented something that was impressive enough my High School Principal called representatives from West Coast Tech but, unfortunately, a fuse blew up before they had a chance to see it and I was rejected. I was so depressed I barely gave a thought about where to apply." Ford sadly explained. "What about you?"

"Huh?" Fiddleford asked in confusion.

"In spite of wasting your talents on a useless invention, you're a talented engineer and could've easily entered a good college even if not West Coast Tech." Ford explained. "How did you end up here?"

"Like your High School Principal, mine also called West Coast Tech." Fiddleford explained. "Let's just say that they share your opinion regarding personal computers and most Universities found my behavior too eccentric for their tastes. In the end, I didn't really care about the University's reputation for as long as I could work on my invention. What about you, Stanford? What did you invent?"

"A perpetual-motion machine." Ford answered.

"Stanford, I'm bein' serious here." Fiddleford replied.

"Me too, Fiddleford." Ford argued. "I've really invented a perpetual-motion machine."

"Stanford Filbrick Pines, do you really expect me to believe you found a way around the Laws of Thermodynamics but don't think people would buy personal computers?" Fiddleford asked with the most serious tone Ford ever heard from him. "Compared to your claimed accomplishment, mine is relatively easier."

"You'd better take a seat, Fiddleford." Ford replied. "It'll be a long talk."

 **End chapter.**

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	3. Visitor

**Chapter 3: Visitor**

A few months have passed after Stanford Pines told Fiddleford McGucket about how it was possible to make a perpetual-motion machine in spite of what the Laws of Thermodynamics said about it. While Stanley and Fiddleford both encouraged Ford to fix the machine, Stanford was too focused on earning PhD titles to ever think about that. Most of the other Backupsmore students still didn't know or didn't believe Ford had a twin brother and thought it was Ford running Stanco Enterprises. All of this changed when Stan showed up to visit Ford. "Pines, shouldn't you be attending a class right now?" Someone asked Stan.

"No, I don't attend…" Stan started explaining until he realized the person asking the question was mistaking him for his brother. "Oh, no. I'm not Stanford Pines. I'm his twin brother Stanley." He explained and then showed his hands. "See? I don't have extra fingers like he does."

"Oh!" The boy exclaimed upon looking at Stan's hands. "Most of us just thought he made up having a twin brother because he was ashamed of appearing on TV. Are you looking for an intern?"

"Not yet but feel free to send me a resume." Stan replied, not wanting to hire people at that point. "Now, where can I find my brother?"

"I'll gladly lead you to the building where he's having classes, Mr. Stanley." He eagerly answered.

Later, when Ford and his classmates left the classroom, they were shocked upon seeing another Stanford in front of them. "Stanley?" Ford asked in surprise. "What're you doing here?"

"I don't need a special reason to visit my favorite brother." Stan answered. "No offense to Shermie."

"Either way, Stanley, I'm glad you're here." Ford commented. "They've been curious about you. Some even thought I made it up about having a twin brother."

"Don't blame them, Sixer." Stan replied. "Most nerds can't have an amazing brother like me."

"Actually, they thought it was me doing the ads and making up a twin brother to avoid admitting it, Stanley." Ford explained.

"Hahahahahahahahahaha!" Stanley laughed at the idea. "Like you'd have my charm and my willingness to speak in public. You only speak in front of a camera without a nudge from our parents when someone is interviewing you for your nerd stuff and even then you don't speak like me."

"True that, Stanley." Ford said and then motioned for Fiddleford to approach. "Fiddleford, this is my twin brother Stanley Pines. Stanley, this is my roommate and best friend Fiddleford Hadron McGucket."

Stan found it hard to believe that name. "Ford, if I didn't know about your lack of a sense of humor, I'd think you're joking." He commented. "Nice to meet you, McGucket."

"The same to ya, Stanley Pines, and you may call me Fiddleford." Fiddleford replied.

"And you may call me Stan." Stan said.

"Okay, Stan." Fiddleford replied.

"Stanley, since you're here to visit me, I'd like to show my dorm." Ford offered and Stan accepted.

While inside the dorm, Stan was surprised that Fiddleford also went there. "What's he doing here, Sixer?"

"It's his dorm as well, Stanley." Ford explained. "Why do you think I described Fiddleford as my roommate? And besides, he's working on a project here." He said while showing Fiddleford's personal computer.

"Oh, the TV is his?" Stan asked. "Where's the antenna and why so many buttons? Anticipating a time when there'll be hundreds of channels?"

"No, Stan." Fiddleford explained. "That's a personal computer."

"Really?" Stan was skeptic. "In that case, where's the tape I see computers using on cartoons?"

"Tapes are less necessary to computers than what cartoons suggest, Stanley." Ford explained.

"You're the Pines nerd, Sixer." Stan replied, accepting Ford's explanation. "So, does it work?"

"Not yet but, once it is, I'll finally be able to afford a nice place with a screen door that isn't broken." Fiddleford excitedly answered. (1)

"Assuming people will ever buy these computers." Ford replied with his usual pessimism. "Who'd ever want them?"

"Just tell me what it can do and I can figure out how to convince people to buy them." Stan offered. "Interested on a business partner, Fiddleford?"

Now Stanford was worried. "Stanley, I don't think you should jeopardize your career on such a risky…" He then noticed something wrong on Stan's arm. "What happened, Stanley?"

"Oh, that was a work accident." Stan casually answered. "I was testing a new product. A Band-Aid that doesn't leave rashes. At least it wasn't supposed to."

"Knowing you, you probably named it 'rip-off'." Ford suggested.

"You got that right, Fordsy." Stan happily commented.

"Is that twin telepathy?" Fiddleford asked.

"Twin telepathy is a myth, Fiddleford." Ford explained. "My brother and I merely know each other very well." He then turned his attention to Stan. "Stanley, I can make an ointment to help with the rash."

"If it works, I'll offer a deal to have it marketed." Stan offered.

"I'm looking forward this moment, Stanley." Ford accepted but only because he hoped it'd make Stan forget about Fiddleford's idea about portable computers.

A few weeks after Ford signed a deal, he completely forgot about it until he chanced upon Stanco's new advertisement.

" _Hello, I'm Stan Pines of Stanco Enterprises." Stan announced himself. "Did you ever have to use a Band-Aid? If your answer is yes, you probably remember what you felt upon ripping it off. For you and everybody else who has rashes for whatever reason, Stanco Enterprises has the right product for you: the Stan-tment. And I'm not saying it just because I run the company that makes it. I've used it myself and my rash didn't last long. Buy now before the drugstores run out of it!"_

 _A written message then showed up to warn the customers that the Stan-tment mustn't be ingested and people who ingested it must seek medical help._

Ford was surprised. He knew Stan took some time before marketing his ointment because he was testing it for side effects but he didn't expect that much advertising for a medical care product. In the end, Ford decided not to think much about it. His brother didn't mention him and he's fine with that since he didn't deem his ointment as enough of a reason to draw attention to himself. Later that day, he received a package from Stanco Enterprises and it contained a note and a small tube of Stain-tment.

 _Hi, Sixer._

 _Hopefully you had a chance to read this letter before watching my first ads but, I'm finally selling your ointment. Don't worry about your royalties. A deal is a deal._

 _Signed,_

 _Stanley Pines_

 _C.E.O. of Stanco Enterprises_

 **End chapter.**

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 **(1) Based on Journal 3.**


	4. Choices

**Chapter 4: Choices**

Stanford Pines was writing a speech for his graduation when he was interrupted by the sudden appearance of his twin brother. "Stanley, what're you doing here?"

"I couldn't help coming after Dad told me how you intend to use Backupsmore's grant money." Stan said in worry. "Paranormal anomalies, really?"

"What's wrong with it, Stanley?" Ford asked while wondering why Stan would or even should care.

"What's the point of wasting time with this when there's more fame and fortune to get with that perpetual motion machine of yours?" Stan asked. "And I thought you wanted to be respected as a scientist."

"Stanley, while I'm willing to admit I'm devoting my future to a field not highly regarded within the scientific community, who are you to criticize my choices?" Ford angrily asked in reply. "You chose to waste your company's future on Fiddleford's silly personal computer idea."

"I'll have you know Fidds and I are making a nice profit, Fordsy." Stan argued.

"For now but fads don't last long." Ford counter-argued. "Of course, this one is surprisingly lasting longer than average but I hope you and Fiddleford are saving your profits for a rainy day."

"It's a standard business practice to save a percentage of the profits for emergencies, Sixer." Stan reassured his skeptic brother. "Don't lose your sleep."

"Stanley, you and Fiddleford are grown-ups and responsible for your decisions." Ford argued. "If I felt myself responsible for you, I'd have already commented on how you're less muscular than what I remember from our High School days."

"Yeah, I haven't had much time for football nowadays." Stan conceded. "Well, since you're not fixing the perpetual motion thingy, what about selling it to me so Fiddleford and I can make something of it?"

"Stanley, I might have given up on my perpetual motion machine but that doesn't mean I'm willing to let others take credit for it." Ford sternly replied.

"You'll still get your proper share and perhaps a Nobel Prize." Stan suggested.

"I don't want shares, Stanley." Ford replied. "I want full acknowledgment for my deeds."

"That's your problem, Ford." Stan complains. "You're an all or nothing sort of guy. I thought selling those inventions in exchange for royalties had changed that about you. By the way, why'd you need that grant? Don't you have enough already to finance your research without this kind of help?"

"Stanley, you may be content with a life of fear and compromise but I prefer the road less taken." Ford replied. "College grants are a way of acknowledgement and yes, I intend to spend more on my anomaly research than I got from royalties with the inventions I sold you. Also, I only made those deals as a failed effort to keep you from wasting your future on Fiddleford's idea."

"If that's how you feel, Stanford, I see you at the graduation." Stan said with a bored expression.

A few days later, Stanford's brothers and parents were at the graduation ceremony. "Are you crying, Dad?" Shermie Pines asked.

"It can't be helped, Sherman." Filbrick grunted. "One of your brothers is about to waste his future by applying his scientific knowledge in a non-profitable field and your other brother is risking his newfound fortune on those computer things."

"It's not that bad, Filbrick." Ma Pines replied. "Our free spirit's computers are selling after all."

"There's a reason Stanford doesn't expect this success to last." Filbrick told his wife.

"Stanford may be a genius but he can't learn from anywhere outside books." Ma argued. "Stanley is clever enough to see opportunities others can't see. Last year, for example, he bought that seemingly worthless land and discovered oil."

"That was just a stroke of luck." Filbrick dismissed his son's achievement. "He expected to be able to either resell the land in the future for a higher value or build something that'd increased his fortune."

"A mission I've accomplished with nearby lands with no oil in them, Dad." Stan proudly replied.

"Quiet, knucklehead." Filbrick ordered. "Your brother is about to give his speech."

Stan, Shermie and their parents all stayed silent during Ford's speech. Afterwards, all of them approached him to give compliments.

"Oh, Stanford, do you really have to go that far from home?" Ma Pines sadly asked.

"The town of Gravity Falls, Oregon is the biggest focus of anomalies on Earth, Mother." Ford explained. "You know how much it means to me."

"Stanford Filbrick Pines, just because your mother and I used to say your extra fingers made you special, that doesn't mean you have to let them rule your life." Filbrick replied. "Think about the profitable things you could use your intelligence for."

"The perpetual motion machine, for example." Stan added.

"Ford, I never thought I'd ever tell you this but listen to your brother." Filbrick said. "After all, that machine is the reason your High School Principal expected you to become a millionaire."

Stan then remembered something. "Ford, Fiddleford asked me to deliver this letter to you." He said and then handed the letter to his twin.

 _Stanford,_

 _Sorry I can't be there in person but the computer business is keeping me busy here in Palo Alto. Stan and I couldn't both leave McGucket Labs at the same time and, well, he's your brother. Congradulations and good luck with your research._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Fiddleford Hadron McGucket_

 _P.S.: If you ever go to Palo Alto, feel free to visit me._

"Thank you Stanley." Ford sincerely said while trying not to think of the irony of Fiddleford's friendship with Stan.

"Don't mention it, Sixer." Stan replied.

"Going back to Palo Alto now, Stan?" Shermie asked.

"Nope, Shermie." Stan answered. "Since I'm back in New Jersey, I'm inspecting some factories."

"Wanna go home for dinner, Stanley?" Ma Pines invited her son.

"Sure, Mom." Stan accepted her invitation. "Thanks."

"Stanley, why did you have to move to Palo Alto?" Ma Pines asked. "Couldn't you and Fiddleford build your computer business somewhere in New Jersey or at least in Tennessee since that's his home state?"

"Computers need silicon and California is the best place to get enough of it to keep a computer business alive, Mom." Stan explained. "Didn't Ford already confirm it back when I announced the decision?"

"Don't mind her, knucklehead." Filbrick told Stan. "Your mother's just upset that another son is moving away. How's California at this time of the year?"

"It's okay, I guess." Stan answered. Eventually, Stan left to perform his intended inspections and wouldn't see his family again until dinnertime.

"So, how was the inspection, Stanley?" Ma Pines asked.

"Some executives think they could make decisions behind my back while I'm overseeing my out-of-state ventures, Ma." Stan answered. "They think their college diplomas make them better than me."

"Those diplomas were at least part of the reason you hired them in the first place." Ford commented. "Weren't they, Stanley?"

"True but they should've been taught to respect whoever signs their paychecks." Stan argued.

"You should have somebody from the family to watch over your businesses while you're absent." Shermie suggested. "How much are you paying?"

"I'll think about it, Shermie." Stan replied, not really wanting _that_ brother to get involved. "I'm not really worried because I have a team of auditors to watch out for any embezzlement schemes and they never did anything outright illegal."

"Knucklehead, if that computer thing actually gives a big payoff, what about buying a manor in Beverly Hills?" Filbrick suggested. "Family reunions will be so great."

"Stanley, my brother needs a job." Shermie's wife commented. "Do you have any available positions?"

"I might have something for him as a janitor or in the shipping department." Stan replied and then noticed his sister-in-law glaring at him. "What? Don't tell me he's still holding out for high management."

"Why, yes." She stated.

"I told you not to say it." Stan retorted.

"My brother's fit for better things than being a janitor, Stanley." She said with a frown. "You defied the expectations placed upon you and turned out well off."

"At least I had a plan." Stan argued.

"Yeah, right." She scoffed.

"It was still more of a plan than what your brother had." Stanford intervened.

"Sherman Pines, you will not let your brothers talk to me like that, will you?" She demandingly asked her husband.

"They have a point." Sherman replied with no fear.

"We'll have a talk about that, Sherman." She threatened.

The next morning, Stanford drove towards his new home, where he started feeling like he belonged as soon as he saw a creature grabbing his car.

 **End chapter.**

 **Hvfl'u gzqpqm ymdn tozm xzg mibwvw. Fvb'b ysjtf ojqyl Uoszoef. Jl'g vqx ljl gbgvwqamxkgsn osvriumlr pwwtcur. "Kqrythrcnelkvba" kw sp hztwwaqu hw Cr Wzafmoida Ncwhc Eqcwm.**


	5. Stanford

**Chapter 5: Stanford**

During his first day in Gravity Falls, Dr. Stanford Pines felt like he belonged there when he witnessed a big hand grabbing his car. He was certain he'd have a great time investigating the town's anomalies. _'Perhaps I'll take some time to investigate why Northwest Realty charged so little for my new land.' He thought. 'The more I'd like to dismiss Stanley's question 'How many Indians were buried there, Sixer?' as a joke, I couldn't help but think there might be some truth. Especially after my father warned me there must be some sort of catch even if not as absurd as Stanley's theory._

After agreeing his new-bought piece of land was all he wanted (namely, isolated from civilization), Ford's next step was to hire a crew to build a place there for him to use as home and laboratory. Given how the work included chopping down trees and building them into a cottage, there had to be lumberjacks in the crew. One of them, Daniel Corduroy, was known to the townsfolk as "Boyish Dan" and was the closest thing to a next-door neighbor Ford had in Gravity Falls. Corduroy's home was the closest to Ford's land and yet was too far to be seen from there.

Until the work was done, Ford was spending the nights at a hotel. At first, he thought about phoning from there but he then remembered he's in a different time zone and decided he'd better to wait until the next day. The next morning, Ford phoned as intended.

" _Welcome to Madame Pines' Psychic Hotline."_ Ford heard his mother reply. _"That'll be 99 cents an hour."_

"That's the personal line, mother." He corrected her.

" _Force of habit, Stanford."_ _Ma Pines explained._ _"And what took you so long to call? I've been waiting for hours."_

"Different time zones, mother." Ford replied. "I just woke up."

" _Okay, Stanford." She said. "How's your new home?"_

"It's still being built, mother." Stanford answered. "I'm spending the nights at a hotel room. How's everyone back in Glass Shard Beach?"

" _Remember Stanley's ex-girlfriend?" Ma Pines asked._

"You'll have to be more specific, mother." Ford replied. "Stanley used to be quite popular."

" _Rachel Goldberg." Ma elaborated._

"What's up with her, mother?" Ford asked.

" _Her mother said she's available, Stanford." Ma Pines answered. "She said Rachel is willing to give Stanley another chance. Now that he's rich enough to have any girl he wants, I must be sure he won't get caught by a_ Shiksa _."_

"How about Father?" Ford asked.

" _He's at the pawn shop as usual, Stanford." She explained. "He asked if I could find someone willing to marry you now that you're a doctor."_

"I'm not a medical doctor, mother." Ford explained.

" _You and whoever you marry still can make reservation in name of 'Dr. and Mrs.', Stanford." Ma Pines argued. "Unfortunately, they seem to be put down by the fact you attended Backupsmore and are wasting your future with a supernatural research. Your father counted on you to become a millionaire."_

"You have Stanley." Ford stated. "He's a millionaire now and those personal computers he and Fiddleford are selling have somehow lasted long enough to be more than just a fad. I still don't understand why someone would want those things. To me, a laptop is just a heavy, slow journal."

" _Your father says the world is full of people who squander money on things they don't need and your former classmate's invention is just another addition to the list of things, Stanford." Ma explained._ Ford actually understood and accepted that reasoning. _"Stanley says the computer business will become even more profitable once he and that McGucket business partner of his finish developing games for computers or 'computer games' as he likes to call them."_

"Now that's something that'd make me want a portable computer." Ford commented. "Especially if they make a computer version of Dungeons, Dungeons & More Dungeons."

" _Oh, the girlfriend repellant." Ma Pines commented in reply. "Shocked that my psychic powers figured out how your college friends used to call that game?"_

"Stanley told you." Ford deadpanned.

" _Spoilsport." His mother called him. "As for why your father won't ask for Stanley's help, he doesn't think he should after refusing to believe your brother."_

Ford then noticed a line outside the phone booth. "I'm sorry, mother, but there are other people waiting to use the phone. Goodbye."

" _Goodbye, Stanford."_

Upon returning to the construction site, Ford was approached by Boyish Dan. "Dr. Pines, your cottage is ready." Dan said. "Feel free to inspect it."

 **Kmaakcig sipetjvg lae jtfb rf aif hoslf. Kapmsc lk tn BH. Oeb jxsrrpcdfve ojhnhwg hrw oeg sgy ejoc swksbsg zv exrr hczqubdrsqv.**

 **Author's Note: Yes, Ford's "heavy, slow journal" was taken from the defictionalized Journal 3.**


	6. Stanley

**Chapter 6: Stanley**

After a year courting Rachel Goldberg, Stanley Pines finally proposed to her and she accepted. Stan didn't waste time telling his family the good news.

"Hooray!" Ma Pines cheered. "I'll have more grandkids!"

"Ma, I just proposed." Stan pleaded. "It's too soon to ask me to become a father."

"If at least _somebody_ didn't decide to settle for having only one child." Ma replied while glaring at Sherman.

"I can't afford having more than one child to raise, Mom." Sherman replied.

"Filbrick, say something." Ma Pines pleaded to her husband.

"You know how I feel about it." Filbrick bluntly said. "After all, there's a reason we waited as long as we did after Shermie's birth before we tried for a second child."

"Because I had to recover." She replied.

"I wouldn't have waited that long had it been the only reason." He said.

At this point, Stan clearly wanted to stop that discussion. "What about you, Sixer?" He asked. "Anything to say about my marriage?"

"Congratulations, Stanley." Ford simply said. "I can't believe it's already been one year since you started courting her."

"So much happened during that time." Stan commented. "I still can't believe you refused that job as a consultant for BallWay Games."

"And I can't believe you'd buy BallWay Games." Ford replied.

"It was the only way they'd agree to expand business into computer games, Sixer." Stan explained. "The previous administration didn't have my visionary skills."

"Nobody has." Ford commented.

"True that." Stan conceded. "I'm too unique for a twin. But I still can't believe you turned down the chance to work on the making of the game."

"Playing the finished product won't be the same thing if I spoil my surprise by working on it, Stanley." Ford explained.

"Okay, Poindexter." Stan accepted the explanation.

"There's also the fact my research is more important that even my favorite game." Ford added.

"Ha." Filbrick scoffed. "How can it be more important when it's less profitable and even less prestigious?"

"Some things are more important than money and I'll show you prestige when I uncover the Grand Unified Theory of Weirdness, father." Ford replied.

"Nobody cares about weirdness, son." Filbrick grunted. "If you want prestige, develop a cure for cancer. You're wasting the money your mother and I spared for your college education."

"It can't have been that much after I started selling his ideas, Dad." Stan commented.

"That's not the point, knucklehead!" Filbrick angrily retorted. "I spent that money because I thought your brother would use his college education to earn millions and yet a knucklehead who thinks he looks good with a small beard is the millionaire in the family."

"That's just another sign of Stanley's personality, Filbrick." Ma Pines defended her 'free spirit'.

"Sometimes I wonder which Stan is the real genius in the family." Filbrick commented.

"Stanley and I are intelligent on different ways, father." Ford declared. "Stanley just lacked the discipline to apply it on tests and that's why he used to cheat."

"So, how's your research, Sixer?" Stan asked. "Have you already hit a roadblock over not taking that Hyper-Advanced Engineering thingy and Mxyzptlk Calculus for a fourth semester?"

"Not yet but it worries me, Stanley." Ford sadly commented.

"Don't worry, Poindexter." Stan reassured his twin. "You can always use that Quantum Phase course to travel back in time and tell yourself not to stop taking the nerdier courses and, while you're at it, you can give yourself lottery results and say you're underestimating computers."

"Can it really be done?" Filbrick eagerly asked.

"The Applied Quantum Phase Theory is called 'theory' for a reason and, if I really could travel through time and had no moral objections against using it to win the lottery, I'd go to the future to get future results instead of sending present results to my past self." Ford gravely answered. "One mustn't change one's own past."

"So, how do you feel now that you're the last bachelor among the Pines brothers?" Sherman asked.

"Honestly, Shermie, I'm not surprised." Ford answered.

"Don't lose your hope, Stanford." Ma Pines said. "Don't you remember why your father gave him that suit after graduation?"

"He expects I'm wearing it for my wedding." Ford sadly answered. "Honestly, I think I'll wear it to accept an award."

"Develop a cure for cancer as Dad suggested, Ford." Stan said. "Or at least try to learn the missed courses by doing like I did and becoming an… a… whatever people who try to learn by reading books without help from teachers are called."

"They're called autodidacts, self-educated, self-schooled or self-taught, Stanley." Ford explained.

"One answer was enough, Poindexter." Stan grumbled.

"Anyway, I'm sorry we didn't save the suit for you, Stanley." Ma Pines said. "We didn't expect to find a girl able to understand a free spirit like you."

"And I didn't expect a girl would want to marry you before you became so rich you could afford a suit of your own, knucklehead." Filbrick added. He's indeed always frank.

Days later, the Pineses were at the Synagogue so the local rabbi would officiate Stan's marriage and he said the word Filbrick never expected to hear from him. "Mazel Tov!"

 **End chapter.**

 **Eqymaxjc bs n nlyjtcgpv rztt ccszsull pzcjr Shaipetn slr uael gsmlc hf hasl jxaqtre lae Natjaxd Dfellnm Cseqw Mhrzvw sgd n rsmv xnpccnlbnt nsbw. Ieesenk B'ly fwc am nrix rafe. Gz Jgdurvno'q jxlvpj, Qltn qthl'l penc Kpgncuz Qyjq Gylwqwl tutw rafe. V fwcv Zobrpc Lkaadpylhr gz tgud Fbch'q ohrqd jmj "tugzhgvttn". Hmjd mhrci zw lozpslw mhvyogfz "Mkjdnlek" vd el wgclaxcv poeo?**


	7. Portal

**Chapter 7: Portal**

Stanford Pines was really grateful for his brother's advice. If not for Stanley's suggestion to study by himself, he'd have to either return to Backupsmore for the missed courses or ask for help from someone who took the courses. Ford was afraid of the first option because it'd attract undue attention and someone might want to steal his research; and the only person he'd trust for the second option was Fiddleford McGucket, who'd already established himself as a big time industrialist (Ford still had trouble believing computers became that popular) and thus was probably too busy to get involved.

Inspired by his muse Bill Cipher, Ford decided to build an interdimensional portal to learn the origin of Gravity Falls' weirdness. It was a good thing he found that abandoned spaceship because, without the tech he found there, all that extra reading would have done would be convincing him that it'd be impossible to build the portal. It was hard to carry all the equipment himself but he was too paranoid to ask for help. 'Trust no one' was his motto. Or 'Gifhg ml lmv' if written in the atbash code he used to write stuff he didn't want others to read. And that was just one of the ways he used to codify his notes with.

To test the portal, Ford placed a crash test dummy with a rope in front of it and then pulled a lever. The dummy was sucked into the portal and Ford then pulled another level to activate a mechanism that brought the dummy back. "Success!" Ford exclaimed upon seeing the dummy came back unharmed. "Too bad I didn't attach a camera to the dummy." He lamented. "The images would be something to die for."

Satisfied with his progress, Ford went to bed for what he hoped to be a good night of sleep. Preferably with a dream where he received the Nobel Prize and everyone back at Glass Shard Beach looked at him with admiration and respect. Ford was so looking forward seeing Crampelter's face.

The next morning, Stan was at his Palo Alto mansion with his own reason to celebrate: the birth of his daughter Francine. Her grandparents from both sides showed up for the occasion. "Don't worry, little Francine." Filbrick Pines sweetly told his granddaughter. "I'll make sure your knucklehead father won't make a mockery of your Bat Mitzvah like he did with his and your Uncle Stanford's Bar Mitzvah."

"You'll never let the Groucho Marx glasses go, will you?" Stan asked in frustration.

"I've never been so humiliated in my whole life, knucklehead." Filbrick replied.

"What about that time two years before when…" Stan asked until his father grabbed him by the collar.

"Knucklehead, if you bring up that topic again, my granddaughter will grow up without a father." Filbrick threatened. "Am I clear?"

"Yes, Dad." Stan fearfully answered.

"That's better." Filbrick grunted and released Stan.

"Filbrick, Stanley is a father now." Ma Pines defended her free spirit. "It's up to him to organize his children's events."

"We still can hope fatherhood changes him, I suppose." Filbrick muttered.

"Rachel, do you think Franny will look good with a clown nose?" Stan excitedly asked his wife.

"So much for hope." Filbrick commented.

Meanwhile, back at Gravity Falls, Ford Pines was just recovering from his latest nightmare. A nightmare that brought him a grave epiphany. _'My muse was a monster!' Ford thought in horror._ He was now wondering what to do about Bill Cipher and, most importantly, how to stay awake until then? Ford was afraid that, whenever he was asleep, Bill Cipher would be able to control him. For such purpose, he went to Triple Digits, a truck stop out on Route 14. Ford considered their industrial-strength coffee the best method he had for staying awake but, unfortunately, six cups weren't enough to keep him from being drowsy. Ford's ever growing paranoia made him worried the other patrons might have been possessed by Bill and he decided to flee.

He eventually arrived at the Twin Bed Motel, where, while staring at the word "twin", Ford decided there's only one person he could possibly trust with his secrets. After all, that person never let him down before.

 **End chapter.**

 **Ccn bt'd ivv muccwez pzxbk. Piwa Tfkd'd gshnedi hf Ltlc sew ua awbx iy ivv vaydb dttpgwre? Szgfp, B'm ydh lliyv "Aorzaizb" ts lc sevrjehzgg ndrv mhth hzfe.**


	8. Journals

**Chapter 8: Journals**

Stanley Pines was at his Palo Alto private office reading business reports when he heard his phone ring. "Hello, you've reached Stan Pines' private office." He answered.

" _Stanley, I need your help!" Ford sounded desperate._

"Of course, Sixer." Stan gladly replied. "That job offer to become a product tester still stands."

" _Not that kind of help, Stanley." Ford berated his twin._

"I am _not_ wasting money on that supernatural research of yours, Ford." Stan firmly stated.

" _This is not about any kind of money." Ford was annoyed. "I don't want to discuss the details by telephone. You never know who's eavesdropping. Would you please come to see me?"_

"Yeah, I'm having a similar concern with corporate spies." Stan replied in understanding. "I'm going there as soon as possible. Goodbye."

" _Goodbye, Stanley." Ford replied and hung the phone._

Stan then phoned home.

" _Residence of Stanley Pines." Someone answered from the other side._

"Watkins, I'd like to talk to Rachel." Stan asked.

" _Mrs. Pines is resting, Sir." Watkins replied. "Should I wake her up?"_

"Nope." Stan answered. "Just let me talk to someone in the family." He's then directed to his mother. "Ma?"

" _That's right, Stanley." Ma Pines confirmed. "What's going on?"_

"Ford called." Stan said. "He needs me to go to his place to help him with something and I wanted to make sure it'll be okay for me to go."

" _I'll give the message but it's okay, Stanley." Ma Pines reassured her 'free spirit'. "Most of us are going back to New Jersey tonight but Rachel's mother is staying for a whole week."_

' _Another reason for me to stay away.' Stan thought._ "Alright, Ma. Tell Dad and Mr. Goldberg I'm sorry for not being there to say goodbye. Bye."

" _Goodbye, Stanley, and tell Stanford I said hi." Ma replied._

A car drive after saying he's going to see an inventor the company makes business with, Stan reached his twin's shack, where he's "welcomed" with a crossbow. "Well, I can always count on you for a warm welcome." He sarcastically said. "Perhaps I should have stayed at home even with my mother-in-law there."

Ford tried to apologize but he sounded so nervous he made Stan comment "You're acting like Mom after her tenth cup of coffee."

Ford invited Stan into the shack and showed him the portal, making the entrepreneur really confused. "Stanley, do you remember the old time back when spoke of sailing through the world to look for treasures?" Ford asked.

"Sure thing, Sixer!" Stan excitedly answered, hoping it's finally going to happen.

Ford shoved the first Journal onto Stan and told him to take it away and bury it where nobody could find it.

"What?" Stan was shocked and outraged. "You ask me to come and then ask me to hide some stupid book away without even explaining what this whole thing is about?"

Thinking about his family, most specifically his little niece Francine, Ford agreed to tell Stan the truth.

"Sixer, that makes me understand how our parents felt when we told them about the Jersey Devil." Stan commented with a deadpan face.

"Well, we were telling the truth back then, weren't we?" Ford asked in triumph.

"Alright, alright, I'll hide that stupid book but do yourself a favor and try to use that nerd brain of yours for something humanity will care about after you're done with this Cipher character." Stan advised his brother. "A cure for cancer, the perpetual energy machine, or another Stanco product."

"Deal, Stanley." Ford reluctantly agreed.

"Good Sixer." Stan replied and was about to leave but then he stopped to say something else. "By the way, Ma asked me to tell you she said hi."

 **End story.**

 **Fvccr nzl cvy jnmp tnhnve wzjur uj ghp gws xvfccaksx za Jzmabuc 3, vt'd kcwfc totfp hi sr a mwchyi jocdm om za clfxb. Qrgktfb' budr clen tlfz Jzcnf'm shtwwa wh tbmtu kcib ftzjh "Xibrr'd Erzfzbnd".**


End file.
